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Various Artists
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Wade in the Water
now when you choose a law career
the moment you embark
there is that joke you're bound to hear
a lawyer is a shark
ignore that
it's simplistic and it's dumb
only some of you will turn out sharks
just some
the rest are chum
our topic is:
blood in the water
kids it's time you faced
law school is a waste
oh yes
unless
you aquire a taste for
blood in the water
dark and red and raw
you're nothing until
the thrill of the kill
becomes your only law
mr schultz
hypothetical question
would you be willing to defend
the following banker
accused of fraud?
a kind old grandma took her savings
and she sent it off to your client
all she saved since she was born
he promised to invest it
but he spent it
on prostitutes and heroin and porn
no I would not want to take that case
wrong!
this one is a win unless you're lazy
grandma's broke
she'll have some hack from legal aid
put her on the stand
and call her old and crazy
your guy goes free
and he can get you high and laid.
look for the blood in the water
read your thomas hobbs
only spineless snobs will quarrel
with the morally dubious jobs
yes
blood in the water
your scruples are a flaw
Miss Hoops
hypothetic question
would you be the right lawyer
for the following client?
say they offer you a bundle for defending
a famous hitman for the mafia elite
seems he missed his chosen prey
killed a nun and drove away
running over three cute puppies in the street
what you think I wouldn't defend him
just because he's a typical man?
oh you lesbians think you're so tough
oh dear
I fear my comment has offended
hard to argue though
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when you're too mad to speak
your employment will be very quickly ended
when they see how your emotions make you weak
so what's my point?
I run a billion dollar law firm
and I hire four new interns every year
from this class I will select
four young sharks whom I respect
and those four will have a guarranteed career
do you follow me?
so I wanna see
what?
blood in the water
exactly
let the games begin
four of you will win
but just those four with a dorsel fin
yes
blood in the water
so fight and scratch and claw
yes, miss--
woods. Elle woods.
someone's had their morning coffee
would you summarise
the case of state of indiana v hurn
from your reading?
Oh
I wanted to answer the puppy question
but I'm asking you about the assigned reading
okay who assigns reading for the first day of class?
you have guts, miss woods
miss kensington
let us say you teach a class at harvard law school
a position that you're justly proud about
but a girl on whom you call
hasn't read the case at all
should you let it go or
no, I'd throw her out
alright then
you heard your classmate
you have just been killed
she cut your throat
so grab your coat
yes you've got guts
but now they're spilled
your blood's in the water
so could you please withdraw
and if you return
be ready to learn
or is that unfair
oh wait
I don't care
that's just how I roll
in life and in school
with fear and shock and gall
you're nothing until
the thrill of the kill
becomes your only law
your only law
your only law
blood in the water
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