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Dan Bull



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Dan Bull

rockstar

there's a few things that i want to say
to the game company named rockstar
i've been playing gta since '98
so i've been down with you lot
right from the start
when running over hare krishnas
was rewarded with the sound
''gouranga!''
i learnt swearing thanks to you
if i hadn't
i'd still be saying ''gosh darn''

played the story mode of gta v
every day all summer
got far
then it glitched
i lost my progress
i was pissed
had a face like a slapped arse
plus quit gta online
'cause hackers got free stuff
for which i got charged
wasted every penny of my money
on a megalodon shark card

there's some more stuff that i want to say
to the game company named rockstar
how come you don't bother using the face engine
you used in la noire?
it was such a cool way to incorporate the faces
of real actors
their expressions were as entertaining
as when jack thompson got disbarred
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he was so annoying
blaming all the on games
saying gta was the way murderers had been trained
saying ''i want it banned''
kind of like how you never made a pc red dead redemption
and even despite the undeniable demand
you're disappointing the fans

one final thing i that want to say
to the game company named rockstar
why you never made another grand theft auto
that is set in london?
now you're based in new york
you forgot your humble roots
in edinburgh
or dundee
i couldn't tell from my research
but definitely in scotland

is it bad that i just want to hear a pedestrian
shouting ''tosser''?
swearing like a british person
is at risk of becoming a lost art
wouldn't it be fun to hear the word
''wanker'' more often in the pop charts?
that's currently the end of the list
of things i want to say to rockstar

i'm singing the same melody as before
but transposed by an octave