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Brian Haner
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Eileen (The TSA Song)
In the airport line where my patient's wearing thin?
Put my shoes in a big plastic bin
And the red light flashed as I passed trough the metal detector
She looked me up and down with a glare kind of mean
The badge on her shirt said her name was Eileen
And a rubber glove snapped as she said I need to inspect ya
She stroked my thighs gave my butt a squeeze
She fondled my daddy parts without saying please
My heart was beating fast, my face was feeling flushed
I went all tingly then I turned to mush
I tried to warn her, she wouldn't listen
I've been with hookers who weren't nearly this efficient
I was scared to death but I think I help her self-esteem
She was smiling, no longer serving?
As our business ended prematurely
I just wished to god that I hadn't screamed
oh, oh, oh, Eileen
I wanted to run yeah I wanted to hide
But my shoes had to come out the other side
So I stood there ignoring the crowd like nothing happened
I saw a woman point and laugh
Till she saw her better half
Jumping line behind me so she slapped him
She checked my passport expiration date
Slid it under a lamp to see that it was fake
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Standing next to that black light
She looked like crime scene from CSI
Though we were done with?
There was no denying in the attraction
She leaned in close and whispered: have a nice day
She was chuppy, I was smitten
We were just like Monica and Clinton
Like a king be giving honey to his TSA queen
oh, oh, oh, Eileen
Now i fly everyday, just for fun
Cause she won't stop once she has begun
Till I tap her on the head, and let her know I'm done
It's worth the money, I'm spending
Cause I get frequent flyer miles and a happy ending
And I'm ready for a nap just as soon I take my seat
She's very strict, I must confess
It's gotta be three ounces or less
Then I tie my shoe and leave a twenty on the x-ray machine
oh, oh, oh, Eileen
Eileen
Eileen
Eileen
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