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Boy Without God



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Boy Without God

So Loud, So Far, So Deep

Every time I am calm in the knowledge that I will win
pain will subside and I will be whole and new and
pleased to meetcha no matter who you are
pleased to meetcha no matter who you are

but one time it will be a point of light so pure
it could only be in the center of a cooling television

So loud, so far, so deep, I will not catch my breath
anyone who ever loved me, even secretly, will hear my name and see red, raw meat
sickly shining like a blade
sickly shining like a blade

I will ruin them with my leaving, and that's what I want
this is no time for kind detachment or benevolent silence
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but for running through the sprinklers in the dark
for making memories with edges that are sharp

my stock will go up in one last great spike
before the great crash crashes and the bread lines form

so loud, so far, so deep, I will be powerless to stop it
this is why I want to call you at 4 a.m., rouse you from sleep
just so I can take something away
wake the man next to you now, saying:
knowing this old love, knowing all this
how could you?
how fucking dare you say my name and not mean forever?