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The Key of Awesome
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Bruno Mark
We just met, but I know, you're my soul mate
I've got your name tatooed on my chest, neck and face.
Let's get hitched, right away
Or at least, pick a date：
I've got next week open,
When do you have open?
I sent you my left ear
But you tossed off the pier,
Then said something I couldn't hear (What?)
I gave you all my string
And my fingernail clippings,
I hope I don't sound deranged
But I'd chop off my head for you,
I just went off my meds for you,
I'd drink a bottle of crazy glue,
And lick a bathroom attendant's shoe
(Oh, that's good shoe!)
I would peel you a million grapes,
And make a portrait using audio tapes
Yes, I'll defend you from robots,
And futuristic Apes!
Oh, get your damn stinkin' paws off my girlfriend,
You dirty ape from the future!
Calm down, you crazy clown!
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What is wrong with you?
Stop offerin' things that you'll never have to do
Just take you pills,
Pay you bills,
I don't want you dead,
Why would I want a boyfriend who doesn't have a head?
I'll eat a pile of glass
Pull my heart out thtough my ass!
You know what you could do for me?
(What babe)
The dishes and the trash,
Let's take that tango class,
Then watch some Lifetime TV!
I'll shop at Target with you,
Buy you tickets to Dave Matthews,
I'd go to brunch with your book club friends,
And tell you that you're not fat again
(This nightmare never ends!)
I would rather eat 50 grenades,
And wear a Speedo made of razor blades,
Then have to deal with you baby,
And your stupid mom!
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