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Imelda Staunton
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Worst Pies In London
*gasp*
A customer!
Wait, whats your rush? Whats your hurry?
You gave me such a - fright!
I thought you was a ghost half a minute,
Can't ya sit, sit you down, sit!
All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks,
Did you come here for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if me heads a little vague,
ugh - what is that?
But you'd think we'd have the plague,
From the way that people,
Keep avoiding,
No, you don't!
Heaven knows I try, sir,
But there's no one comes in even to inhale,
HA!
Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale?
Mind you I can hardly blame them,
These are probably the worst pies in London!
I know why nobody cares to take them, I should know,
I make them, but good? No!
The worst pies in London,
Even that's polite, the worst pies in London,
If you doubt it take a bite!
Is that just disgusting?
You have to concede it,
It's nothing but crusting,
Here drink this you'll need it!
The worst pies in London...
And no wonder with the price of meat,
What it is,
When you get it,
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Never - thought I'd live to see the day,
Men'd think it was a treat,
Finding poor,
Animals,
What are dying in the street.
Mrs Mooney has a pie shop.
Does her business,
But I noticed something weird.
Lately all her neighbours cats have disappeared.
Have to hand it to her,
What I calls,
Enterprise,
Poppin' pussies into pies,
Wouldn't do in my shop.
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick!
And I'm telling you,
Them pussy cats are quick.
No denying times is hard, sir,
Even harder than the worst pies in London.
Only lard and nothing more,
Is that just revolting?
All greasy and gritty?
It looks like its molting,
And tastes like, well, pity,
A woman alone,
With limited wind,
And the worst pies in London!
Oh, sir,
Times is hard,
Times is hard!
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